Santa and the elevator from Hell

There are two kinds of Santas, the mall Santas and the party Santas. The mall Santas are usually older retired men with real beards and a lot of patience who earn around ten dollars an hour sitting in a big chair at a mall listening to kids. The party Santas are usually younger guys who wear fake beards and make about a hundred dollars an hour going to parties and having fun. They have to be very high energy and quick witted, able to flirt with the females and can tolerate having their butts pinched occasionally by either the ladies or the sporadic frisky gay fellow. From Thanksgiving till Christmas Santa Claus has almost godlike powers, loved by all, and practically worshipped by many. People wave and call out to him wherever he goes. Policemen, hookers, bums on the street, as well as all the little children, happily reach out to get his attention. That all changes on December 26th then Santa is as desirable as an old worn out slipper. That is also the day many of us who are Santas meet at a secret Mexican restaurant in Olvera Street to compare our holiday horror stories. Last year was the best or worst yet, depending on your point of view. Of course there is always "The little bastard pissed all over me and his bitch of a mother complained to the mall management because I got upset and insisted on changing before the shmuck could finish his diatribe of greedy desires." And of course the drunken woman who wanted to screw Santa to satisfy some psychological hang up she has because she wants to get even with her husband for being so damned cheap, or for some other reason just as ridiculous.
This year it was unanimously agreed that Percy Parker definately had by far topped us all. Percy is a perfectionist when it comes to his costumes and characters, it doesn't make any difference which character he is portraying, he actually in his own mind becomes that person. In August when the Hari Krisnas are having their annual chariot parade, he shows in his Swami from El Monte costume and jumos right in and dances and chants with all the devotees along the Venice Beach parade route. On the 4th of July you will find him dressed as Uncle Sam singing patriotic songs off key at the Sierra Madre Woman's club, just before that parade begins. And of course he is always at the Doo Dah parade in Pasadena as Carlos Caliente, chili pepper hot magician and Latin Lover, as well as advisor to men on the "woo"man. All his costumes are hand made and uniquely designed by Percy himself, and as with everything else, his Santa suit is truly a sight to behold. Not only did he find the richest red suit in L. A. but then he had his costume lady add over $400.oo worth of custom embroidery to give him that Olde World Santa look, complimented by custom hand made leather boots complete with nordic runes and trimmed at the top with genuine antlers to set the whole thing off. When Percy walks into a room as Santa people often will be heard to gasp and exclaim "Wow, now there'Santa!" Percy doesn't really seem to care to much about anything else other than having a good time. On his belt buckle is engraved his moto "Don't take life to seriously because you'll never get out alive." That attitude is most likely why his last girlfriend left him saying that he was just to damn tacky and cheap, to which he bewilderedly replied just before she walked out the door, "Ilda, you say that as if it is a bad thing."

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